A lot of these are pretty dead-on, except I disagree with the Jane Austen one (I think Austen would also have been mocking the whole set-up the entire way through).
Wouldn’t an Anne Bronte one be interesting?
I would totally read the Melville version, for the record.
In the Charlotte Bronte version, Edward is clearly the brooding owner of a gothic manor charged with taking care of a little French girl that may or may not be his own demon baby. Bella comes to work for him as a governess. Jacob is Bella’s heretofore unknown cousin who hires her as a teacher after it turns out big, mean Edward is not in fact a virgin but is married to the crazy lady who lives in the attic. The rest of the novel is basically the same.
Love this! Let’s hear some more.
Excellent piece by Lionel Shriver in defense of unlikable characters.